Shortly after arising from slumber this morning, I had an epiphany that really derived from a past experience. For the sake of context, I’m going to take you back a bit, and then I’ll bring it all home…
Several months ago, I decided to take a mushroom trip. Now before you jump to judgment, my intention was not to chase a high – I really wanted to expand my consciousness. I had heard stories about ego death and how dosing shrooms could help one achieve this. I had read several accounts of transformative psychological trips that yielded positive, long-term results. I was hoping that an intense psychedelic trip could serve as a gateway to experience this spiritual phenomenon. I was excited about the possibility of transcending fear, anxiety, and sadness, and I had hoped that a new exuberance for living would follow. As a long-time sufferer of anxiety mixed with bouts of nihilism – I NEEDED to experience this!
A quick Google search brought me to a website that outlined very specific instructions on how to intensify the shroom trip for a.. heightened experience. The “hero dose” is what they called it. Now this was not my first experience dosing shrooms. I had used shrooms twice recreationally in small doses in the past. Both times, I had taken them with a friend, and we tripped together. I won’t say that the trips were completely pleasant, but there were moments of euphoria and bliss. For my hero dose trip, my intentions were much different. Like I said, I wasn’t chasing euphoria, and I was not looking for an escape. I wanted to be reborn.
For a few weeks, I searched, and I finally found my shroom guy. He was professional and pleasant in his correspondence. I told him the type and amount of shrooms I was looking for, and I asked him about the quality of his product – as if he’d tell me they were trash either way. He, of course, said they were “fire”, and he guaranteed me that I would not be disappointed per reviews of his other customers. Unbeknownst to me, I’d soon learn just how right he was about the potency of his product.
I will provide you with a comprehensive account of the fuckery that ensued during this trip in a later post. For now, I’ll cut to the chase and explain how this experience relates to the title of this post. At one point during my long, brutal trip, I was able to surrender to the experience. Before surrendering, I was experiencing unpleasant sensations, which caused fearful, anxious thoughts. Surrendering allowed me to dissolve the unpleasant sensations and I was engulfed with feelings of euphoria. At this point I began to visualize a beautiful kaleidoscope of colors and imagery, and with this imagery came a flood of insights. I have carried one of these messages with me since the trip – “none of this is real, and none of it is meant to be taken seriously.” I was immediately clear on what this meant, and I knew why I received this profound piece of wisdom
Since adulthood, I have taken life, and myself, very seriously. On one hand, this mindset has been a gift because it has allowed me to achieve success and do right by those I love. On the other hand, taking everything so seriously has caused me to create and perceive problems in my life, and with the illusion of problems came a heaping side dish of anxiety and ultimately depression. I suffered unconsciously for many years, and I did not yet understand that the reality I perceived as problematic was a reality of my making. I was manifesting my problematic experiences, which then led to me experiencing more anxiety, guilt, shame, fear, panic, sadness, despair, and a host of other negative emotions. This process is a never-ending vicious cycle for most people, as our internal environment manifests into our life experiences. For most people, this continues throughout their lives, and I had been in the throes of it for as long as I can remember. It is an awful fate for unconscious humans.
Back to the trip. After receiving this insight, I experienced true freedom for the first time that I can remember. Unfortunately, this experience was short-lived. Shortly after, I experienced what I describe as a “boost” in the effects of the shrooms, and my reality quickly shifted – a story for another time.
Fast forward to this morning, I remembered a random thought that I had while watching a movie last night. “Don’t take your thoughts so seriously.” This thought came to me because the movie I was watching brought up some recurrent thoughts and emotions I’ve been experiencing. While processing the thought, I noticed that the emotion I was experiencing had dissolved. I didn’t spend too much time dwelling on it – I instead remained present and enjoyed the rest of the movie. When I woke up, I was processing dreams I had the night before and the thoughts about these dreams generated negative emotions, which then generated more intrusive thoughts. I remembered the thought from last night, then I disidentified from it and observed it. This caused the emotion to dissolve almost instantly, and I felt a sense of peace. When another intrusive thought arose, I again reminded myself of this and I again felt at peace. This happened several times throughout my morning. As I observed my internal environment, I realized that the idea of not taking my thoughts and emotions seriously allowed me to accept whatever arose, which then allowed it to pass. In essence, this realization was a gateway to presence. When I realize that the thoughts and emotions that arise are not to be taken seriously, this causes me to quickly let them go. I then thought back to my shroom trip, and the epiphany I had hit me like a ton of bricks. “I get why I had that insight during that shroom trip!”, I thought. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I received this piece of wisdom to help me better navigate both my internal and external environment. It was meant to be a gift.
When we understand that life is not to be taken too seriously, we can begin to experience life differently. Our thoughts, emotions, and external circumstances take on a different form. We no longer perceive our experiences as problematic, and we can approach them from a place of neutrality. Thoughts and emotions can then either become signposts for an action that needs to be taken, or you can recognize them as old programming that you simply need to let go of. Either way, you can sustain a deep sense of peace by simply remembering to take your experiences, and yourself a little less seriously. One thing is certain for us all – we will eventually die. One day, the thoughts and emotions we are currently experiencing will be of zero importance to us. So why take them so seriously now? Why not instead live lightly, and approach each life situation with a sense of peace? I challenge you to join me in living a little lighter each day!